Do you ever argue with your husband/wife over the issues surrounded your child?  Each have different opinion on child raising issues.  The discussion becomes tense and may lead to argument if neither party wants to tolerate or compromise.  If the situation repeats, the frustration will soon develops and lead to more serious problem in the marriage.  Do these differences affect a child’s development especially the emotional aspect?

Imagine that you have a spouse that always contradict the rules that you have set for your child.  For instance, you have grounded your child for not having to watch his favorite TV program on that day as he broke one the house rules.  Your child ran to your spouse and beg him/her to let him watch his favorite TV program.  Your spouse feels that the child shouldn’t receive the punishment as it is just a small matter.  Your spouse allows the child to watch his favorite TV program.  You become upset with his decision.

• Your child learns to find ways to get away from his misbehavior.
• Your child learns not to respect you as he finds that your spouse has more authority than you.
• Your child learns to disrespect the ground rules that you set.
• Your child becomes confuse when both sides demand him to listen and follow their opinions.
• The child shows changes in his attitude and behavior.  He may become rebellious or withdrawal as his emotion is affected by the continuous contradiction between his parents.
• Your child is stressed and tensed because he does not know which one he needs to obey.
• Your child feels that he is the source of the differences and starts to develop self-hatred and depression.

The unsolved differences finally affect the child’s overall well being.  The child becomes the victim!  Most of the times, we feel that we are doing the right thing for our child, but as we use the wrong approach, we deliver the wrong message to the child and problems start to occur.  If you put your leg in his shoe, you may understand how he feels and what will be your action to overcome the situation?

Both husband and wife have to sit down and learn to compromise.  Discuss the issue with open heart and rational.  Put your self-emotion such as ego away from the discussion.   Set the ground rules together and get both party to agree on each rule.  Parents need to show united front to their children.  For instance, if the mother says that the child cannot go out and play, the father should also support the mother’s decision when being asked by the child.

Discuss your role as a father or mother.  Some husband will let the wife make all decision when dealing with any child issues, the husband will support his wife decision unless you find the wife is using it as an excuse to abuse your child.  Some family will split the responsibilities among the husband and wife to avoid conflict in future.  However, the differences may still occur even though you have segregated each party’s responsibilities.  Don’t fret cos it doesn’t help at all!  Settle the conflicts with open mind and always remember that it’s for the best of your child.   If the other party still hold firm of his own point of views, then get a counselor to advise both of you!  Lets practice nurture our child without differences.  I know it’s easy said than done and it’s tough…but you can do it if you want yourself too!  Nurturing a child requires lots of patience and understanding among any couple.

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