“My child seems not socialize in the school..She doesn’t talk much in school or with other people except her daddy and mummy.”, a concern shared by a parent. This is a very common behavior that we may notice when we nurture our child. We just need to find out the reason behind his behavior. How can we do that? Lets discover together!
I have a child in school who doesn’t like to socialize with her peers. She doesn’t participate in any group activities such as music, gym or group time. She prefers to sit at a corner watching her friends from far. Most of the time, she will attach to the teacher. She only talks to her teacher in school. However, she becomes very talkative and active once she sees her mummy who comes pick her up. At times, she can be very talkative with the teacher when she can spend time alone with the teacher.
Some common characteristics of this type of children
- withdraw from the group
- play or work alone
- isolate himself from others
- refuse to talk to others
- refuse to have body contact such as hand shaking or hugging with others
- love to observe his friends or adults in the environment
- refuse to participate in any group activities
As a teacher, we should discuss with the parents to find out more about the child’s life outside the school. The more information we have, the easier we can help the child. If parents notice the above behavior of the child outside school, discuss with his teacher to find out his behavior in school too. Open communication between the parents and teacher is essential in a child’s development.
Some reasons that might hold the child back from socializing with his peers
- do not know how to get along with peers
- lack of social skills
- low self-esteem, shy, anxiety in meeting and making new friends
- bad experience with peers, such as a fight, an argument, or rough behavior from peers
- fear of rejection by peers
- not comfortable with the environment including the setting and the people around
- does not get support or encouragement from the adults around him
We need to identify his problem in order to proceed to help him. For instance, if the child lack of social skills, we need to teach him the appropriate social skills. We must constantly encourage the child to become more socially competent. Our support is very essential to help him. You will amaze to see the improvement if only we provide enough support and encouragement to the child.
In school, we can pair the quiet child with another child who may share a similar interest or someone that is empathetic that likes to be friend with the quiet child. I will normally explain to both of them and get their consent to work together on a piece of material. The supportive child normally is more matured and confident about himself. While the quiet child will normally tend to reject the offer, but I will stay with him initially - introduce him to the other child and tell him the purpose of working together with the activity in order to make a “tower” together (example), trying to make conversation so that two of them can chat. After few minutes, I will tap on the quiet child’s shoulder that I need to go away for awhile to help other children in the room. In the beginning, I will not leave the child for too long. However, the duration should be increased from time to time depending on his progress.
At the same time, I will continuously spend some time with the child to encourage him to talk with others. During playtime. I used to introduce friends to the child I told you earlier when we sat together at a table. It’s important to introduce her to others too! When other children can call her name, she feels more confident and create a sense of belonging to the group. Active listening and asking open-ended questions to encourage the child to talk about how he feels. This is crucial as we need to let the child to feel that we are their for them in time of needs.
How can we teach appropriate social skills to a young child? Demonstrate the skills with the child. to show him how to behave and act appropriately. The child will feel more confident when he sees your way is working and effective. It can be done and achieved with positive progress. Please remember to begin a smaller group of children.
- Sharing - “May I join you, please?”, “May I play your toys, please?”, “Thank you.”.
- Wait for turn - “Your friends will be upset if you can’t wait for your turn.”, “All the children learn to wait turn. It’s important so that everyone has a chance to play with the material. Don’t you like that?”
- Do not leave the child alone when he is not ready. Always let him know that you are watching over him.
- Give affirmation for good behavior so that the child feels valued and important.
Give time to the child to adjust and adapt to the environment. Some children take longer time to adjust to an environment. Do not push the child to do something that he is not ready! With our constant support and encouragement, the child will soon take the courage to learn to make friends. Again, cooperation between the teacher and parents is able to speed up the process!
Nurture our child’s social skills is just all about patience and love to make good things happen!
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