“I own my child!”, a parent claimed. If you are a parent, do you ever have this thought? Well, I’m not surprised if any mother or father possesses that thought of owning her/his child because I believe it is the act of love! An act of loving her/his child too much that she/he thinks that the child is owned by her/him! This mentality will affect our way to nurture our child!
What is the definition of own? When we said that we own something, meaning we have the ownership toward that item or object. In another word, we have the possession of the item or object. As the item or object is under our ownership, we have the state of exclusive rights and control over the item or object. The item or object that we own can be property like houses, land or shoplots; toys; dresses; accessories; vehicles and so on. Can we own a person?
If we own a person, that person will be our slave! He has to obey to what we said and follow our instruction. He has no freedom in his speech, his actions, his response and so on. He is our puppet! We can do whatever we want on this person simply because we own him!
Of course I don’t mean that you will treat your child as a slave if you said that you own your child. That will be a form of child abuse. However, you tend to have a different way of controlling your child’s life unconsciously. How? Lets read on.
Even though you gave birth to your child, does not mean that you own him. If you have this idea, you will tend to want your child to become what you want him to be. For instance, accountant provides a stable income and better future, so you start to plan your child’s path by exposing him to mathematics, counting, numbers and education plan that relate to accountancy just to prepare him to be an accountant; because you believe accountant has a good future for your son. Have you ever find out what your child wants? Sometimes an act of love can be very selfish and dangerous!
I met a parent many years ago. Her daughter was about 4 years old that time. She liked drawing very much. She can use her drawings to tell a nice story. She was really a talented artist. Instead of sending her to art class to upgrade her drawing skill and allowing her to excel from the activity that she passionate, the mother sent her to ballet class. The child didn’t like it at all, but the learning ballet is something that the mother wanted for her daughter. Within 3 months, the daughter dropped out from the ballet class. At the same time, her drawing are lessen throughout the years as she is never encouraged by the parents and never been given an opportunity to further discover herself. All just because she is my daughter and I own her, so she will do exactly what I want her to! I want the best for her because I love her!
Your intention may be good as you want your child to have a secure life in the future! However, we need to bear in mind that our child has her own destiny and own path in life. We can’t arrange his life for him. We love our child so much that we do not wish our child to go through what we have gone through. We always think that we know what best for him. If you still have this type of mentality, it’s time to make adjustment!
As we have gone through this live so much, we know exactly what kind of attitude that we need to be able to succeed in this live. Respect your child as an individual! Do not turn him into your puppet! Give your child opportunity to discover himself - his ability, his strength, his weakness, his self-concept! Guide your child in building and developing the right attitude in live - positive, independent, caring, confident, responsible, honest, sincere and problem solving. Your child has to learn to be responsible for himself and people around him. He has to learn to face the consequences of a decision that he make. He needs to learn to make decision. All these are the foundation that needs to be develop when our child is young. The positive character building enable our child carries a very positive attitude towards the future. He knows what he wants, he knows how to get it, he knows how to handle obstacles along the way and so on!
Therefore, you don’t own your child, but you respect you child as an individual! Instead of having the mentality of owning your child, treat every child like your own so that you can spread you kindness to all the children around you! Be your child role model! Nurture our child with love and patience to understand our child better in order to help them learn about themselves! Love our child means let go and give him freedom to exlpore and experience his environment!
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