Nurturing our child’s discipline can be a very challenging task.  Most adults will go for short cut as nowadays everything has to be done instantly with the fastest effect.  So, adults go for punishment in order to get the child to be discipline immediately.  What most of us do not realize the side effect of punishment to the child in long run!  The best way to nurture our child’s discipline is to instill self-discipline.

Self-discipline develops by self-reliance.  It is acted out of the child’s free will instead of by force or demand by adults.  A child learns to obey a rule on his own will.  Self-discipline requires patience and time to be successfully cultivate in the child’s good habit or behavior.   It cannot be achieved instantly by scarring or forcing them through punishment or rewards.  A child who exhibit self-discipline is independent and matured because he knows the consequences of his own behavior or action.  Self-discipline too safe guard our child from bad influences and elements surrounding him in the environment.  Therefore, he decides his own behavior or action.  How can we encourage positive self-discipline?

We need to be role model to our child.  Our own behavior and action give a huge impact on the child.  The child “looks” at us all the time.  For instance, we throw rubbish on the floor instead in the dustbin, but we scold our child when he also did the same.  That’s not fair to the child, “Why adults throw on the floor and yet demand me to throw in the dustbin?”!  Sometimes, I see some adults don’t even bother to pick up the rubbish that their child throw on the floor and show a good example to the child on the right way to handle rubbish.  We do not want a future generation who contribute even more rubbish on the floor.  If we don’t, we begin to practice the right behavior and be role models for our child.

Tips to positive discipline

• Listen to our child. Let them explain.  Most of the time, a child does not know that his action is inappropriate at certain time.  After listening to your child, you may let him know how can he behave in the same.  When we are patient enough to repeatedly remind him what is appropriate and what is inappropriate, the child will learn make his good choice of behavior.  If he don’t, he is just trying to tell you that he needs your love and quality time to spend with him.  Adults who are able to provide sufficient love to a child, the child is more stable emotionally and his behavior is calmer and his thinking is more matured.

• Mutual respect between adults and child. Adults must learn to hold their temper and try not to take drastic action like spanking or shouting the child in front of the crowd.  I do know at times how the little one can be a devil.  If we did, we should admit our mistake and apologize in front of the child.  The child will learn to respect you as well as learning the appropriate action.

• Set ground rules at home and outside home. This is to avoid conflicts of what can and cannot do at home and outside home e.g. supermarket, playground etc.  The rules have to be reminded from time to time in front of the child to refresh and reinforce his memory.  If the child or even adults break a rule, then he has to learn to take up the responsibility and adhere to the related consequences.  For instance, the child is suspended from any TV programs for a week if he found not completing his homework.

• Reason with our child. Most of the time our child does not understand why adult does not approve his behavior.  We need to educate him with patience by reasoning with him.  Talking and communicating is the best solution because we can’t read a person’s mind.  This is to build a mutual understanding between the child and adults.

• Show the child the appropriate way to do something. Role play and story telling will be effective.  I always use story to deliver a message to the young children.  This is because they love listen to story.  At times, they tend to behave like the character in the story.  Also, if most of his friends approved certain behavior like sharing toys instead of snatching, the child who initially loves to snatch will eventually get the message and learn to control his own behavior in future.  For children who doesn’t know social skills such as sharing and waiting turns, show them and teach them how easy to just ask politely to get something we want; how we learn to share and friends will be more willing to share things with us.  It works!

Positive discipline produce long term rewards to both child and adults.  Children will eventually behave well if they are understood and cared for.  Children who are loved and trusted by adults, tend to behave appropriately out of their own will.  We need love and patience to nurture our child’s discipline!

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