“He is so naughty!”, a parent complained about his son.  Doesn’t it sound familiar?  This is a very common remark that we heard from adults in the journey of nurturing our child.

A child is categorized as “naughty” :

• when the child disobey you.
• when the child climbs up the table.
• when the child pulls and breaks the vase.
• when the child interrupts or disturbs his peers in the class.
• when the child snatches toy from his sibling and make the other party cries.
• when the child pushes his friends in the playground.
• when the child kicks you and beat you.
• when the child is shouting and running while you are on the phone.

The list can go on and on.  Adults used to say a child is naughty when he does not listen and follow what you tell him to do.  You said don’t climb, they still climb.  You said do this, but they do that!  Adults have a set of do’s and don’ts at home and in the school.   The “do’s” list will be things that the adults want the child to do such as read, sit quietly, write, play quietly.  While the “don’ts” list will be the things that we do not allow the child to do such as no jumping, no running, no fighting etc.  Adults get upset when the child doesn’t do as what we expect him to behave.  If the adult lost his patience, the child gets punished or yelling from the adult in order to stop his misbehavior.

In my previous school, few boys of 3 years old are used to be categorized under “naughty” or “difficult” child by the teachers.  One of them would climb on the table, purposely snatched his friend’s material or  shouted in the class.  Have you wonder why this child behaved this way?  Have you asked your child why is he so “naughty”?  Have you listened to what the child’s say?  Have you gave him a chance to tell you what he needs?

Most adults will push the responsibility to the child for being naughty.   Please be reminded that the child is trying to tell us something.  Are we ready to listen to them and guide them?  We need to find out the reason behind his action.  It’s easy, you just need to observe and listen to him.  Once we find out, we can take proper action to rectify the situation.  Recently a girl of 4 years old was scolded in her ballet class for not listening to instruction.  She was crying.  I called her after the class and asked her if she’s feeling better.  She was still sad.  I asked her why is she not listening.  She told me, “Because I want my way.”.  It is just a very simple direct answer, “I just want my way!  Why can’t I?”.  If we listen to her carefully, we can address the situation more effectively.   Most of the time adults think that children are just too young to understand lots of things, but if we don’t tell them and guide them, how can they understand at all?  Moreover, their emotional development will be very much affected.  “Why can’t I do this way?”.  “Why must I listen to the teacher if I think my way is better?”.  Listen to the child!  Give her a chance to demonstrate her way by giving her maybe a free 3 minutes time to do so as long as her way is not harmful or dangerous.  Just a 3 minute, but we can make both parties happy and satisfied.

Lets us listen to what the “naughty” child want to say:

• I need attention.
• I need someone to listen to me.
• I am bored.
• The activity is not interesting.
• I am so free, but I don’t have anything to occupy my time.  So, why not disturb my friends.  It’s fun!
• I am upset/angry/depressed, but I don’t know how to express and no body listen to me.
• I thought it is funny!
• I am bored with the current or existing activities.
• I have no friends.

If you have a “naughty” child at home or in the school, we need to look back to ourselves.  There must be something that we didn’t do or our way is not effective.  In school, children are walking around freely and started to disturb his peers, because the activities that we prepared in the school are not interesting to attract the child’s attention.  The activities are not challenging enough to get him to work on them.  We do not pay much attention to find out what is his real needs.  We do not spend enough time and effort to build a strong bonding with the child.  Most importantly, we do not occupy their time!

When their time is not occupied with interesting activity, the children become bored.  Therefore, they start to create new ideas to occupy themselves and enjoy themselves.  They try out different act such as climb up the table, disturbing his friends to get attention.  “Hey!  I am bored!  Do you notice me?”,  the voice of a child!

Patience is the most important element that must have when we nurture our child!  Without patience, our action towards the situation become more extreme and aggressive!  We will talk about this in the coming issues.

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