Most of us do apply punishment when we are trying to nurture our child’s proper behavior. Do you think punishment is effective in nurture our child’s behavior? What type of punishment do you normally use when your child misbehaves?
Some parents love to apply physical punishment to their misbehaved child. Physical punishment includes slapping, spanking, shaking, pushing, removing clothing, pinching, padding and striking. Objects such as hanger, ruler, belt, rattan etc. are normally used when performing physical punishment on a child. During my childhood time, my friend’s mummy usually used two or three rattans that wrapped together with rubber bands to spank my friends. The punishment left very clear deep rattan marks on her skin especially her arms and legs. I remembered once I was trying to protect her by standing in front of her as she was crying so loud begging her mummy to stop, her mum beat me too as she was too angry. Of course my mummy came to rescue as she heard loud noise and children were crying hysterically. It was a horrible memory!
I met adult who shook a child in front of the whole group of children to get him doing something that she wanted him to do - sing a song! I met adult who took off a child’s shirt in front of the whole group of children because the boy bit his T-shirt. I used to get slaps or spanks with a towel by my dad when I was very young. Are these punishments effective in correcting one’s misbehavior? In fact, physical punishment can lead to child abuse.
Some parents apply verbal punishment on their child by shouting, putting down, shaming and threatening a child using cruel words. These words are very harsh and not nice to hear such as stupid, ugly, useless, idiot etc. Verbal punishment can lead to psychological abuse and lowers the child’s self-esteem.
Does either of the punishment effective to stop misbehavior among young children? The result is that the child continues to misbehave and even get smarter to avoid himself from being caught!
First of all, most children do not realize that they are misbehaved. They might not understand why the adults over react on certain things that they did! If they understand most situation around them, they will not be called themselves as children (their privilege). We adults are here to make them understand the consequences of their behavior/action and they need to be responsible for their own behavior! Most of the time they misbehave are because their needs are unmet :
- they are bored
- they feel unwanted
- they want to get noticed
- they want to get attention rather then no attention at all
- they feel funny to get the adult angry or upset
- they rather get scolded or punished in order to get attention instead of being ignored
The continuous punishment will not get your child to stop their misbehavior or learn new proper behavior. Instead, punishment leads to more serious situations :
- the child becomes more manipulative. He behaves good in front of the adult who used to impose punishment on him to avoid himself from being caught. Once he is away from the adult, he will continue with his real behavior.
- the child becomes more stubborn. He is so used to punishment that the act has no more effect on him. I used to see two boys punished almost every day to stand outside the classroom. It has become a routine for both of them. They even find way to entertain themselves when they were asked to stand outside the classroom.
- the child becomes rebellious and always find ways to express his true feelings - anger, upset, frustration and disappointment.
- the child develops low self-esteem. He feels ashamed of himself. He feels rejected by the surrounding and becomes emotionally unstable, pessimistic. The child might become loner and kept everything within himself. He doesn’t share with anyone as he doesn’t trust anyone. My friend who used to punished by her parent has had a very tough time to overcome her unsettled emotion since childhood. She only managed to let go of her bad emotions after entering adulthood.
- The child becomes a bully. Instead of wanting the child to behave properly, but the child learns to use violent to gain authority or power over someone. I used to hold a rattan to pretend as a teacher to get the younger children to listen and follow what I said when I was very young. I felt that I was in power when I was holding the rattan in my hand. I was a bully then.
- The child learns hitting/beating or other physical or verbal abuse as a way to solve problem. Adults are role model to the children and children imitate adults’ behavior without able to differentiate right or wrong, good or bad! “Daddy beat you because I love you!”, you told your son after beating him with a ruler. What will the child perceive? If I love someone, I should hit him?
I know this topic can be arguable subject. Parenting has no fixed rules. We are always learning new ways and new methods as our child grows every day. That is why nurture our child can be a very enjoyable process. We will discuss more about this topic in the coming issues!
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